posted 12-20-2000 11:02 AM                     

This is from one of those services that sends ya funny stuff....

The fight between good and evil, an epic battle: Darth Vader and Luke. Suddenly in the middle of the fight, Darth Vader pulls Luke to him, and whispers "I know what you're getting for Christmas!"

Luke exclaims "But how??!?"

"It's true Luke, *breathe* I know what you're getting for Christmas."

Luke tries to ignore this, but tears himself free, screaming "How could you know this?!"

Vader replies, "I felt your presents."

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Anakin
[monger=ff0000,ffffff]Holonet Jedi Master[/monger]
Forum Administrator

-Have you mowed your lawn today?-
-Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates.....-
-People bring out the worst in me-

posted 02-25-2001 08:12 PM                     

> Little Jonny was 7 years old and like other boys his
> age, rather curious. He
> > quite a bit about "courting "from older boys,and
> he
> > wondered what it was and how it was done.One day
> he took his question to
> > his mother, who became rather flustered. Instead
> of explaining things to
> > Jonny, she told him to hide behind the curtains
> one night and watch his
> > older sister and her boyfriend. This he did. The
> following morning, Jonny
> > described EVERYTHING to his mother."Sis and her
> boyfriend sat and talked
> > for awhile, then he turned off most of the
> lights.Then he started kissing
> > and hugging her. I figured Sis must be getting
> sick,because her face
> > started looking funny.He must have thought so too,
> because he put his hand
> > inside her blouse to feel her heart, just the way
> the doctor would. Except
> > he's not as smart as the doctor because he seemed
> to have trouble finding
> > her heart. I guess he was getting sick too,
> because pretty soon both of
> > them started panting and getting all out of
> breath. His other hand must
> > have been getting cold because he put it under her
> skirt. About this time
> > Sis got worse and began to moan and sigh and
> squirm around and slide down
> > toward the end of the couch. This is when her
> fever started. I knew it
> > was a fever,because Sis told him that she felt
> really hot. Finally, I
> > found out what was making them so sick---a big eel
> had gotten inside his
> > pants somehow.It justjumped out of his pants and
> stood there, about 10
> > inches long,honest,anyway he grabbed it in one
> hand to keep it from
> > getting away.When Sis saw it, she got really
> scared--her eyes got big, and
> > her mouth fell open, and she started calling out
> to God and stuff like
> > that. She said it was the biggest one she's ever
> seen; I should tell her
> > about the ones down at thelake by our house!!
> Anyway, Sis got brave and
> > tried to kill the eel by biting its head off. All
> of the sudden she
> > grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while
> he took a muzzle out of
> > his pocket and slipped it over the eel'shead to
> keep it from biting again.
> > Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get
> a scissor-lock on it and
> > he helped by lying on top of the eel. The eel put
> up a hell of a fight.
> > Sis started groaning and squealing and her
> boyfriend almost upset the
> > couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by
> squashing it between them.
> > After a while they both quit moving and gave a
> great sigh. Her boyfriend
> > got up, and sure enough,they killed the eel. I
> knew because it just hung
> > there, limp, and some of its insides were hanging
> out. Sis and her
> > boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but
> they went back to
> > courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing
> her again. By golly, the
> > eel wasn't dead! It jumped straight up and
> started to fight again. I guess
> > eels are like cats--they have 9 lives or
> something. This time, Sis jumped
> > up and tried to kill it by sitting on it. After
> about a 35 minute struggle,
> > they finally killed the eel. I knew it was
> dead,because I saw her boyfriend
> > peel its skin off and flush it down
> > the toilet.
> >
> > Now that you've read it, forward it to 10 people,
> and have good
> > luck in "gettin' sum" forever...Erase it, and you
> will have a bad sex
> > life!!!