The next moment.

Something moved my attention. There was something on my arm, something I suddenly came to recognize as a hand. This seemed new to me, and somehow unrecognizable yet totally laughable.

So I shrugged.

A voice...

“Mrs. Danner, are you okay?”

It seemed legit, although part of me laughed and laughed.

I pulled myself from the fugue state in which I had been wandering, forced myself to find myself still in the immense docking bay of the SSD Terrin and I... No. It was not me ...BUT
US!...

Owned...

Why did this bother me?

Owned?

What exactly? How was I so blessed? What credits were there to compensate for the loss of...

The voice grew stronger, the hand on my arm more insistent.

I pulled to, tried to focus.

“I’m... I’m fine,” I managed to stammer, thus alleviating the responsibilities of the the bearer to the vagaries of the wind. The hand dropped from my arm.

I smiled somehow, and kept walking, not really noticing that I was making great circles in the huge Primary Docking Bay of...

Hornett...

There was more to find here. Perhaps. I somehow felt that.

But I kept walking, nevertheless.

[ 03-21-2019 03:11 AM: Message edited 1 time, lastly by Galen ]

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Said frequency originated from the techs in the Main Hanger Bay . It started out nicely enough, indicating that the Challenger was being looked over thoroughly and that no tracking devices of any variety had been found on board. Otherwise the ship was being detailed and given a good final sweep.

But the other part of the message attached resulted in an even deeper frown on Terrin’s face, one fueled with worry. The long and short of said message indicated that a crew member had seen Galen wondering aimlessly around the Primary Docking Bay, not looking so well.

Of course she wasn’t looking well. She’d just lost Kyan, and she was out there facing that loss all alone....

Not having to think further, Terrin turned on his heel, retracing his steps until at length he ended up back in the Main Hanger Bay. While it was large, he didn’t need too much time to find his wife, seemingly walking in circles, the look in her eyes distant and unseeing.

The pain in that look caused Terrin’s soul to ache.

He stepped in her walking path, placing a hand on each shoulder, forcing her to come to a stop. He knew he couldn’t do anything to take away the devastation she was feeling, but Terrin very much wanted to at least help her carry the burden.

”Galen,” he said, shaking her slightly, knowing she was lost in despair. ”Galen, I’m here,” he then said a bit more firmly, reaching out then with one hand to take her chin in it, drawing her eyes to his and looking deeply into her pained browns, accepting the pure sorrow and despair therein and longing to help shoulder that pain in whatever way he could. Again that little voice that wondered how much more loss the Fates could possibly dole out to her haunted him.

Terrin’s eyes remained on Galen’s. ”What can I do?”

[ 03-21-2019 11:33 AM: Message edited 1 time, lastly by Terrin Danner ]

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I stood a moment, letting it all sink in. Then the tiniest bit of a frown creased my face, which I pulled away from the hold my husband had upon it.

“I don’t know,” I whispered. “And that’s the problem...”

The barest semblance of a smile flickered across my lips then as I simply...

Turned away.

[ 04-18-2019 02:04 PM: Message edited 1 time, lastly by Galen ]

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She’s right, Danner. It’s your fault. And it should have been you, not Kyan, who took the fall for everyone else. Instead you followed along with what Tarnus told you to do. And in the process Cel got seriously injured, Yaoksi was tortured, and Kyan...

..he sacrificed himself for you all.

At that moment, it would have been easy for Terrin to crumble under the weight of his own guilt.

But this wasn’t about him.

For while he heard what Galen was saying, he also felt like there was a whole lot she wasn’t saying. A whole lot that her actions told him.

The loss was perhaps just too much this time. She hadn’t even been able to say goodbye...

And that aside, she had to be utterly exhausted, having been stranded on that malfunctioning ship for days....

...only then to come to their rescue, instead of the other way around, a rescue that ended with Kyan letting himself be killed to save them all.

Terrin’s blue eyes darkened. There had to have been another way. She had just lost way too much...

....and here you are asking her what you can do? Dammit, Danner, she has no idea what to do. Or else she wouldn’t be wandering around the Main Hanger Bay, lost in despair....

Moving after her then, Terrin reached out, taking her by the arm and spinning her around to face him again yet digging his heels in absorb thee momentum of his suddenly turning her about.

“Let me get you out of here,” Terrin then said, drawing a confused look from Galen, and perhaps more than that. So then he clarified as something he knew that he’d forgotten in the rush to get off the ISSD safely swam back to the forefront of his mind, something that Kyan had told him about the Cin Vehti...and about whose ship it had been initially.

“Kyan had a granddaughter named Kani; the ship you were on was her mother’s. She is out there, and deserves to know what happened to her grandfather.”

He quieted then, his blue eyes falling on Galen and resting there, wanting once more to do anything he could to relieve some of the anguish she felt.

Just maybe, if he could get her away from here and to someone else who understood....

[ 03-24-2019 03:29 PM: Message edited 1 time, lastly by Terrin Danner ]

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“I can’t go to her, you should know this,” I whispered, now letting my eyes drop to the deck of the hangar bay.

“I was entrusted with a damned Mandalorian ship,, and a family lightsaber. Both are gone, thanks to me. I don’t deserve the honor of the armor I was given either.”

I took another step backward, now looking back up to meet Terrin’s gaze with a suddenly firm one of my own.

“When you see her, assuming you are able to do so, please give it back to her. It’s in our quarters.”

I then turned about and began my aimless walking, letting my mind whirl again but truncating those thoughts long enough to call over my shoulder,

“I have some serious thinking to do.”

--------------------

And at the hand you played in it? came a not-so-unexpected mental addendum. She’s taking the blame for this, but....

She needed to know, and to hear it, straight from him. He was the Captain, and the one who’d made the call.

“Kyan was there because I sought out Tarnus for help, and the Empire got involved,” he then said. “They were all there because of me. It’s my fault...”

He trailed, thinking of how Kyan had sacrificed himself and how both Yaoksi and Cel had suffered once more, closing his eyes a moment and shaking his head.

[ 03-27-2019 09:04 PM: Message edited 1 time, lastly by Terrin Danner ]

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“NO!” I shot back in a whisper so intense I’m sure it echoed off the bulkheads of the immense docking bay.

“It’s not just you... it’s me.”

I closed my eyes, trembling now as emotions pushed down way too deep into my psyche for an entirely too long of a period of time came rushing up in one enormous, accusatory flood.

“Don’t you see? You died because of me! You lost an arm because of me! Link lost hers twice because of me, and Dara never even had the chance to have a childhood because of me!”

Khaandon help me then for I couldn’t stop.

“And Sorben is working for the EMPIRE because of me!. And now, Kyan is dead...

“Because of me. So don’t you try and take any of this onto yourself, Terrin, because it just won’t cut it!”

I paused a moment, wondering how my life would have turned out if I had just left that dustball of a planet in my wake to simply return home to family property - now lost, of course - to live out the rest of my life...

In another manner.

But with a damned nice ship.

I sighed, deflated, then turned round and kept on walking. Curse Sissy’s soul but I wasn’t going to stop until I’d come up with an answer that would take away this gaping hole in my heart...

[ 03-28-2019 04:23 PM: Message edited 1 time, lastly by Galen ]

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And she’s grieving for perhaps more than Kyan, an internal voice spoke up, waving a flag for attention. Terrin paused to consider just that for a moment....

....realizing that really, in the space of time since he’d known her, Galen really hadn’t had any time at all to grieve for any of the losses she had faced. She’d most certainly not had any chance to grieve for the loss of Darra’s youth...

...or for the loss of her biological Father or even for what was most certainly the loss of her own sister, who was yet living but was most certainly not the sister she had grown up with. While he hadn’t been there, and was most certainly no longer dead, he suspected there had been little time to grieve after he had died. There had been many other loses, and now there was Kyan’s. On and on...

...and while they had brief moments in time of stillness and peace, they had never lasted long and were usually truncated by the next calamity. Terrin wanted that time for her...

...and here, aboard the Hornett, was most certainly not the place for her to have it, especially not with the Empire most likely on their heels.

Dammit, she needed a break....

Shaking himself from these thoughts, Terrin moved to step into her walkway again.

“Let me get you out of here,” he said once again, this time motioning to indicate the expanse of the Hornett, a place that probably served as nothing more than a damning reminder of what had just happened. “At least for a little while,” he then added, recalling a place he’d once gone, not all that many years ago, when he’d lost his mother as he then extended a hand, palm up to her. “Trust me,” he finished softly, waiting to see if she would accept.

[ 03-29-2019 10:01 PM: Message edited 1 time, lastly by Terrin Danner ]

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Closed my eyes with sudden realization.

Galen, you’re running... again...

The thought popped my eyes open, but there was nothing in my view. Nothing but a weird sort of darkness, across which there now began scrolling images of all the damning events I had just blurted out, faster and faster, one following upon the heels of another, closer and closer until they all tangled up in a whirling dervish of faces and imagined screams, pain and flames and death.

And from it rose the shadowy image of...

Me. Walking away.

I blinked; the images vanished with a virtual “poof,” the docking bay came into noisy life around me. A little part of me deep down inside wavered... and then plopped on it’s astonished butt. Right there in the midst of my memories.

I was trying to walk away... from myself.

Guilt can be a terrible thing, and guilt for imagined misdeeds even more so, for they refuse to listen to logic and instead keep alive and well, thank you very much, by a vicious diet of self-loathing and pain and anger and hate.

It hit me like a ton of bricks. Now I really did plop on my butt, right there on the cold durasteel decking.

It wasn’t that I thought I was the cause of everything wicked and awful and evil and overwhelming that had happened to us since all our paths had crossed that day so long ago when I burst from that hateful planet, leaving the body of my father, buried there by my own two hands, to go out into the Universe and experience events no person in any sane sense of the word should ever have to experience.

Rather... I hated. Deeply, down to my soul of souls, said experiences and events prompted me to hate, a vehement hatred of practically everything in the Universe, face it Galen, you know it’s true. Because my life in that Universe was so de-railed, so upset, kaleidoscoped into something I scarcely recognized as reality that there was nothing left for me to do but hate life in general for what it had flung at me. And that hatred brought with it the deepest held guilt, for I had always thought of myself as being a non-hating person.

Oh, I could be filled with righteous anger against evil and injustice, right? But where did that lead? Wasn’t that too some kind of selfish defense mechanism, which somehow propped me up on some kind of pedestal, screaming to my ego to just shut up, I’m good, I’m above this... oh, aren’t I so very, very perfect!

I bowed my head now, closing my eyes against the flood of tears which quite suddenly came into them, to drip down my cheeks, wetting my clothes, falling on the deck.

My own misery keeping me company.

Then a tiny voice of reason waved an equally tiny hand. That hateful Universe had flung good things at me too. It seemed I’d forgotten that. And the best of it all was standing behind me, calling my name, more than likely not really knowing exactly what to do other than what he just did.

Reach out to me.

Against my walking away.

Which was what you always do, isn’t it Galen? And where has that gotten you?

Here. Against my own worst advice, it’s gotten me here.

With him.

“T-Terrin...” I could only choke out in a blubbery sort of half-whisper before giving into grief and the most extreme disappointment in myself I’ve ever felt. I just sat there, hands loose in my lap, and cried as if the Universe itself had come to and end.

[ 04-16-2019 11:16 AM: Message edited 1 time, lastly by Galen ]

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“I’m here,” he said softly, his blue eyes deepening as he ached to see the pain and anguish she was going through, wanting nothing more than to do anything he could to lend support.

She was strong. And she had been strong through so damn much. And through a large portion of it, she’d been on her own, worried for the safety of others, sacrificing her own needs time and time again to protect said others. And there had been times he’d been stupid and let her go to face whatever. Alone.

Not this time.

On a reflex, he reached out a hand to brush the falling tears from her face, his heart breaking to see how she was struggling...

...but then, sensing that what she really needed was a release for all the grief buried within, he simply wrapped his arms about her, allowing her to cry, ready to listen when she was ready.

From out of seemingly nowhere— but then again, perhaps not, for he did indeed feel that she really needed to hear it from him— he whispered two short, but very heartfelt statements. “I love you,” he said softly, remaining on the decking along with her, sensing that she was at a critical point in her grief, one not to be broken by anything other. Then, ”You are not alone.”

[ 04-17-2019 04:09 PM: Message edited 1 time, lastly by Terrin Danner ]

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Bless Terrin’s crew for going about their business as if we weren’t even there.

I sniffed a little, and lifted my eyes into the deeply concerned and utterly loving ones of my husband. A short nod of my head prompted yet another sniff.

“Yes,” I scarcely breathed, the words coming from me on the winds of a zephyr. “T-take me somewhere, Terrin. Somewhere far from here, somewhere away.. Let others handle things for now. Please.”

I shut up then and buried my face against his chest, utterly spent in more ways than merely by the flood of unacknowledged grief that had been pent up inside me for entirely too long. I needed... surcease. I needed... a port in a storm.

I needed to push off the monkey on my back, the one who kept yammering and chittering that Dammit Galen, the Fate of the Known Universe depends on YOU.. Where in Hell’s Seven Circles that had ever come from I’ll never know, but what I did know down to my very bones was that ...

I needed someone else to be the strong right arm, if just for a little while.. I needed to just be, to ponder, and simply just...

To be with Terrin.

--------------------

“I can’t say as I blame you, sweetie. I don’t have particularly fond memories of SSDS either, at least not for the moment. Why don’t we head off to Challenger and see what kind of condition she’s in. Maybe your quarters aren’t trashed so much that we can’t spiffy ‘em up; as for me, I can sleep in a pilot’s chair. Universe knows I’ve done that often enough in my life!”

Our waiter appeared like magic at this point, smilingly informing us that our check had been taken care of already by person or persons unknown. I cocked a brow at Adrianna, but she only gave me an innocent look. For all I knew Captain Danner was behind this; making a mental note to dig into this a bit when I was able to do so in order to give appropriate thanks I rose to my feet and went around the table to pull my daughter’s chair out for her.

“Shall we?” I gave a small bow of my head, as one arm waved out to indicate the door. Moments later and we were sauntering back upon the Diamond deck, heading back toward the immense Docking bay where I hoped my ship awaited us in a semblance of normalcy.

At least normal enough to where we could comfortably bunk down in her.

[ 04-18-2019 12:03 PM: Message edited 1 time, lastly by Yaoksi Joao ]

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I can certainly relate to that, at least I think I can… this whole actually having a family is weird.

Turning to look back to Yaosksi, Adrianna did sense the intention to leave them be until they called for her help. In most circumstances Adrianna would want to honor that, but something was burning inside her that she needed to get out. Besides Yaoksi ,who Adrianna considered family, she did consider Galen and Terrin close friends edging into that sphere of influence which Yaoksi occupied. And if for some reason if one of them had to take off again for whatever reason would she have another chance to tell them what she felt?

“I need to tell them Papa,” Adrianna pleaded.

Whether it was her words or the look in her eyes, Yaoksi relented and let her cross the expanse of the hanger to approach. When they pulled up Adrianna couldn’t tell if their approach was noticed or the pair was waiting. So Adrianna feeling a little silly at towering over them sat on the deck about an arms length distance.

“Galen,” Adrianna began. “I don’t know if you want to see us right now or be alone with Terrin, so I’ll make this short. Thank you for not leaving me alone in that dungeon. After what the Empire did, I gave up on myself, I didn’t believe your voice was real and I wanted to die. I don’t know how you did it but thank you for not leaving me there.”

She hung her head not bothering to fight back her own tears. Truthfully her legs now refused to work from the exhaustion of the whole ordeal and no sleep that wasn’t badly administered medication by the Empire related. Both physically and mentally drained, she would have told Galen and Terrin about her past if there wasn’t so many other people around if it helped them understand how grateful she actually was but sensing the need for some measure of privacy was what kept her from blurting it out. Having said her piece and willing to leave it at that if that’s what the pair wanted Adrianna held up an arm for Yaoksi to help her up, realizing that in her state she would likely trip over herself in the process.

--------------------

She lost an arm... TWICE... because of me.. But here she was, offering her heartfelt thanks...

That did it. I burst into a second flood of waterworks, turning to bury my head against Terrin’s strong chest again...

...but not before reaching out with one arm, grabbing the little Ryn by the hand, and hauling her over sideways into our embrace. My hand moved to pull my arm around her to grasp her by her other shoulder, which I hugged as tightly as I could.

Honestly I just couldn’t manage another word, but there are times in our lives when one just doesn’t have to use them.

--------------------

Bloody hell, she was spent, both physically and emotionally. And little Link....

Terrin’s blues shifted to the Ryn, his eyes darkening at her mention of what the Empire had done to her.

Dammit...

Shaking himself from thoughts of blame that threatened to follow, Terrin instead squeezed the Ryn’s shoulder, casting a different sort of look into her saddened eyes.

After all, what she had just said and done might have meant more to Galen at this space and time than the Ryn would ever know...

Remaining as he was for the moment, Terrin looked up at Yaoksi, who was standing there with a meaningful look planted on his own face.

“We’re going to take a little time-out from here and head towards an Outer Rim planet that’s a bit away from our current location...” Terrin then said in the other man’s direction, cocking his head slightly to indicate the expanse of the Hornett.

...and from all of this, came a mental addendum, one that Terrin suspected Yaoksi would understand.

“The Challenger is all clear per my crew,” he then added in seeming non-sequitur...

...quirking a brow in the other’s direction as he did so, suspecting that perhaps he and Link might want a hiatus from all that had just occurred as well.

[ 04-19-2019 08:27 AM: Message edited 1 time, lastly by Terrin Danner ]

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“I think after some rest we still have some work to do on the Challenger,” Adrianna said. “And I didn’t expect my trick on that SSD do that much damage, that represents a major design flaw that your Hornett likely also possesses. I can probably work up a fix once my head isn’t swimming in the best painkiller formulated for ryn biology, thank you for the research medical grant by the way. Putting that aside there is something else I need, no I want to tell you both you and Galen. I think it will help you understand more about me.”

Or hate me after you find out what I did...

“But not here, not now, not in front of all these other people. Before you take off if that is what you are planning can we meet up again?”

Adrianna left it at that, unsure of what the procedure was for untangling herself or if protocol dictated that Galen as the initiator of their group hug was to be the responsible party for disengaging from the current situation.

Why can’t there be a technical manual for this?

--------------------

As Yaoksi did just that, Terrin stood, carefully getting Galen to her feet as he did so, keenly aware that it seemed as though her legs were practically jelly. He kept both his arms around her, making certain to give her the support that she needed to stay on her feet.

She really needed some rest...

He frowned a bit at this, concerned. But then he let the frown disappate, considering exactly what Link was saying.

“We should talk,” he agreed. “The modifications to the Challenger can be completed here, but it’ll take time to get the requested parts regardless of where your ship is located,” Terrin said simply enough. “It’s up to you both whether you stay or go, but I suspect we all need some time to rest and refuel both mentally and physically...

...and while we certainly can do that here on the Hornett, I’m thinking we’d probably all like to get away from the confines of space for a bit.”

He paused then, pursing his lips a bit as he thought. Then, “I was thinking of heading to Rishii, at the end of the Rishii Maze. I used to visit there often in my smuggling days. It’s about a twelve-hour trip from our current location, which would give us all time to rest and would give me time to make some calls and set up a space for the Challenger to get her modifications there. Rishii has good technology and is smuggler-friendly so it’s definitely doable....

...but again, it’s up to what you want to do, because Aaron can certainly help you with the modifications here. If not, Galen and I can take our own ship and meet you there, and we can talk when everyone is a little more well rested. And preferably in a place that has good food and strong drinks,” he added, quirking a brow for emphasis.

Then he thought of one last thing that Link had mentioned. “And believe me, if there is a design flaw that could cause the Hornett to do the same thing that happened to that ISSD back there...”

Terrin trailed a moment and frowned, considering the very precious cargo he and Galen had aboard in the form of Jhin’Darra. “...I’d love for you to help us in finding a fix.”

[ 04-19-2019 11:46 PM: Message edited 1 time, lastly by Terrin Danner ]

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