He loved me that much.

It was quickly followed by a familiar feeling.

A very familiar feeling indeed. From somewhere deep inside me I could feel the sudden urge to get away, to leave Lo Ban, to thus assure myself that he would live. No matter what he said, I was not worth dying for; there is nothing worth dying for.

Love is worth living for, not dying... wasn't it?

"Perhaps we'll find a way, and no one will be killed...." I stopped at that, my mouth working voicelessly as I just stared up into those wonderful eyes of his. They seemed to darken in front of me; a chill rippled up and down my spine when I recognized that look for what it was.

"No," I whispered, standing up and letting my arms fall limply to my sides. "I will not let you risk yourself for me, Lo Ban, especially in a senseless act of revenge. I should never have told you; I'm sorry I did."

I paused, shivering a bit as that chill began to spread throughout my body, for Lo Ban wasn't saying a word. His eyes merely grew darker and darker, and more and more vague as his gaze seemed to turn inward, the contrast sharp against the tears standing in his own eyes. I couldn't help the frown crossing my face, chasing away the last of my tears as a new fear rushed up to push out the remnants of the old; now I actually crossed my arms around me and took a step back.

It was as if my vision cleared on the spot, for even as I moved back his own arms fell away from me to hang almost listlessly, the sleeves of his jedi robes hanging down and completely covering his hands. It suddenly bothered me that I couldn't see his hands. I shook my head, my grip tightening about myself.

"No," I whispered and took another step back. Then another and yet another. And quite suddenly I had turned, and was striding purposefully from the room, my footsteps coming faster and faster, the view afront growing blurred and watery and soon I was running... with a growl I raised a hand to rub my eyes, and through the indistinct shades and shapes now surrounding me there came a flash of gold. It was the ring Lo Ban had just given me, and it seemed to be laughing....

[ 03-30-2003 03:10 AM: Message edited 1 time, lastly by Galen ]

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You're doing it again, aren't you Galen? I chided myself. You're running. You always run, and where has it gotten you?

I gulped, then gritted my teeth as a lightning reply flashed through my mind.

I didn't run fast or far enough... and Terrin was killed. If I go now....

That thought was interrupted by the steady pressure of returning logic.

Terrin was killed because he chased after... don't you think Lo Ban might as well? Not to mention that as a jedi, he probably now has some blasted moral obligation to go after Lord Roan, all the more so for what you just told him. Leaving isn't going to solve a thing, but it might create a problem.

It might cause him enough inner distraction to where he won't be able to defend himself against Roan when and if he meets up with him, assuming he does....

I sighed, laying my forehead against the cool glass of the window. Just beyond, the clouds of the gas giant's thick atmosphere seemed to beckon to me.

Just a soft fluffy pillow, to lie down and rest upon and all your troubles will go away, Galen....

I jerked back with a start, shivering. That cascade of shivers intensified then, as another realization slammed into me.

As long as Lord Roan is alive, you'll always be running, won't you Galen? You'll never find peace, you'll always be looking over your shoulder, you'll always be alone...

...and that's the worst thing to happen in the universe. To be alone. And Khaandon knows you don't want to be alone, do you? Not now, especially after finding someone who can fill your life with happiness, who can mend the gaping holes in your soul. Someone you've come to love in so short a time....

You know what has to be done, Galen; Roan has to be stopped somehow, he has to be destroyed or you'll never find happiness. And you're going to need power beyond just blasters and ion cannon and brute force to do that.

Another kind of Force.

I shuddered as a sobbing sigh tore through my lips. The glass in front of me grew blurred as tears welled up to stand in my eyes. For several moments more I just sat there, giving the tears release, firming my soul for the road ahead which was most certainly filled with more danger than I had yet to cross paths with.

Then those tears dried as new resolution washed through me. I clambered to my feet, wiped the remnants of tears from my eyes, and turned back the way I had come, heading back toward the suite where I had left Lo Ban.

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"Lo Ban, please forgive me, I'm--" I began, panting, when my words were abruptly truncated by the realization that the room was empty.

The swelling in my heart roughly deflated, prompting my feet into further motion as I now hurried from one room to the other, seeking Lo Ban, hoping to find him in some meditative or healing trance hidden away in a corner somewhere. But no; a swift examination of the suites, followed by a slower yet somehow more frantic one only turned up what I initially feared.

I was alone.

I went over to the bed, sank down into it's splendid whiteness, and just sat there while my entire world shrank from white to a tiny band of gold. I don't know how long I sat there, hoping that he had merely stepped out for something, or maybe had given chase after me, even though I knew deep inside me that this probably wasn't the case.

He was a Jedi after all. He could easily have found me.

No, he was gone.

Galen, you've done it again.

When I finally looked up, it was to find the room trembling on the edge of total darkness. I must have sat in stony misery the entirety of the day. Slowly I got to my feet, took another look around myself, my questing gaze at last touching upon the ring on my finger. I took it off with a shaky hand, and just looked at it for a moment. It blurred before me as fresh tears flooded my eyes.

Face it, Galen; you're just not meant to find permanent happiness, are you?

I was just about ready to place it on the nightstand and leave when, Khaandon be praised, defensive anger suddenly rushed in to blanket the sheer pain in my heart. I blinked as a thought popped up out of nowhere, causing me to stay my hand.

You know, Galen... he sure left in a hurry now, didn't he?

Now my lips were beginning to curl as I thought of how long and hard Terrin had chased after me in comparison.

What does this tell you? What about all these oh so suddenly developed, and so strong, feelings? Isn't he a Jedi? Don't they have some kind of weird way they can manipulate people's minds? Can they do the same thing in regards to people's hearts?

The tears dried instantly as I simply stared at the ring.

No, I wouldn't leave it here and go. That would be running off again. I would keep it, a reminder to myself to be wary, to guard my heart more carefully. And if Fate should decree that I would ever cross paths with Lo Ban Kenobi of Tatooine again....

To throw it into his face.

Armed with fresh resolution, I gave the room a final checking over. Then I strode to the front desk, checked out, and went directly to the private landing pad where Eagle awaited, gleaming and polished.

It didn't take long to obtain departure clearances, and moments later I was airborne. I wasn't too surprised when, after gaining the cleanliness of open space, I found myself programming in the coordinates of a planet I had known deep within myself I would return to, even before my mind consciously did.

Might as well go back to Plan B....

Bespin disappeared behind me in a brilliant white flash as the stars stretched, streaked, and converged upon it, taking me away with them into the utter impossibility of hyperdriven space.

Next stop, Sullust.

((OOC: Please follow Galen back to Sullust in the thread In Harm's Way in the "CSWU" forums, thank you.))

[ 04-01-2003 12:57 PM: Message edited 1 time, lastly by Galen ]

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