I didn't always have such a cavalier attitude, but I'm retired and rather enjoy the tranquil life with my wife Syria Daan. She's gone for the next several weeks on a diplomatic mission, the only type the Jedi allow her to undertake these days, without a lightsaber at her disposal.

Me, I kept mine, now hidden away with a few artifacts I treasure. I blow the dust off it from time to time, only to feel it in my hand and remember a time I chose to forget, but sometimes miss.

My connection to the Force is nearly gone with lack of use, though strange sensations prick my psyche every now and then. Like today. Some nagging feeling of desperation highlighted by sorrow, yet determination. Odd. I try not to pay attention to these sensations, for fear they play tricks on me.

And oh how my own mind has played tricks on me. The day I felt my only son's life force leave him... I thought it might take me again, the Dark Side. Blessed Syria... she kept me to my sanity, for I had to be strong for her sake, it devistated her so. Jakob was gone. I knew him only a short time when he was temporarily under my protection, when I reunited with Syria, and Jazelle Corona left.

Jaz... the desperate feelings are hers perhaps. I know I caused her pain, but this is new. I loved her like a daughter and never suspected she loved me differently than as her protector and employer and friend. Until the day I told her I was leaving the business. Then I watched her heart tear in a million pieces. I had to let go of that, for I've learned that the feelings of others can't be my responsibility, if I did nothing intentionally to bring them about.

I made her what and who she was for a reason, for selfish purposes perhaps, but she was happy. I needed a person I could trust with my life, a person I raised and tutored and taught everything I knew, except the Force. I intentionally wanted no force-user business partners. I was putting that life behind me.

Ironic that I later secretly married a Jedi. Syria changed everything, she always did. Changed me as no one else could. Jaz didn't understand that. How could she? Syria was from a former life led before Jaz was ever born, a life I never spoke to her about. She knew I was a force-user, yes. She knew about my bouts with the Dark Side, yes. But nothing of Syria or my youth.

If she's in trouble... it's not my concern now. She's a big girl and always landed on her feet somehow. It's no longer my place to interfere, but I know if she asked for anything I would give it to her just the same, except what I could only give to Syria, of course.

Jaz was my loyal servant for so many years. I hoped she would continue on with the business, and as ambitious as she was, it surprised me when all she wanted was the Endless Emprise. I guess she felt the need to break out on her own and start a new life.

The strange feeling subsides and I brush it off like the sand from my toes. Time for a nice speedboat ride.

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