Graysith smiled, still staring down at the floor as if the most interesting specimen of insect had just crawled there beside her moving foot. For a moment, all which was heard was the echo of their footsteps as they continued walking along, moving from warm, golden light into intermittent shadow as they passed one happily flaring wall sconce after another.

At length Graysith stopped, and looked up to Phalomir.

“I- you will of course be of use to me, Phalomir,” she said softly, staring up into the liquid depths of his eyes. “Even though I have known you for only a short length of time, it has been long enough to know that I can trust you implicitly. And I do.”

She stopped, embarrassed again, and studied her toes with a smile. Inside her, the Beast let out a little whine, and flopped into a prone position, its great claws kneading against the essence of her being like a kitten seeking a mother cat’s milk.

--------------------

“My lady, I have placed upon you much concern in the recent past, and for that I am sorry. I am most grateful for that trust you place upon me.”

He placed his other hand upon hers, covering hers tenderly.

“I cannot apologize for the way I feel, for it is eternal and true. But our situations are beyond my control, and though I wish it dearly I do not deign to stand between you and your life. I just want you to know that as I seek to find my place in this time, I shall be there for you whenever you need me, if you ever shall. I am truly here, and here I shall remain.”

--------------------

Graysith studied Phalomir’s face a moment longer, reading nothing there but the utmost sincerity. Then she moved quickly on, and soon had led them to the Grand Dining Hall. Entering into its imposing surroundings, she was gladdened to see that food yet lay piled in one offering after another upon the gigantic sideboard which hulked against the far wall.

She cut her eyes to Phalomir, and tilted her head to the sideboard. Then saying nothing, she gently removed her hand from his grasp and soon had replaced that with a plateful of food. This she carried to a small dining table, one enclosed within a small niche that was lit by a softly glowing candle. She took a graceful seat, and turned to her food, suddenly picking at it.

A shadow skimmed along her peripheral vision; Phalomir had taken a seat with his own plate. Their eyes met; still saying nothing, suddenly afraid to say anything , Graysith forced herself to begin eating her midnight snack, although it suddenly tasted like cardboard melting on her tongue as she recalled with whom it was she had last sat here, at this very table, sharing a quiet meal together.

[ 11-29-2003 12:50 AM: Message edited 1 time, lastly by Graysith ]

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“It seems my taste for food has left me,” he said softly. “I wish –“

He shook his head, eyes closed. When he reopened them they bristled with moisture, and his voice trembled slightly.

“It is difficult to look upon you and not be able to touch you, to hold you the way I wish dearly to hold you. Forgive me for speaking so freely of you, as if we have known each other for years. My world is gone, and you are the only connection I somehow have with it. But I cannot help but feel deep within my soul that you are in my future, we are connected. It pains me so to know that the love I desire so greatly is given to another, one that – forgive me for saying – seems to waste it, to throw it away. What could be more important than finding and holding your soul mate? It is… unspeakable…”

He glanced down at the plate and shook his head.

“I would give anything to have that…”

--------------------

“Given to another…” She let her words trail off, feeling for the first time and after so lengthy a time, a great rush of emotion in regards to Recinis. And one not necessarily being love.

An ironic smile crept upon her lips. Her eyes darkened.

“Perhaps, once… at least that is how memory serves me,” she whispered, staring at a spot somewhere in the middle distance between herself and Phalomir. “But now—“

She paused again with a little shiver, and placed a forkful of food into her mouth.

--------------------

“But now?” he asked.

He rubbed his chin as he thought.

“You spoke once of losing your love in saving your child. That is a terrible thing, and it left a void within you. I sensed this void when I… when I faced Lord Aelvedaar in your mind. But I also thought that the void was only that, something which could be filled anew. Do you feel nothing rekindling? Has he not made this attempt? My lady, this breaks my heart to hear.”

--------------------

After a few moments of seeking he found, along with pahomir. he looked down at the two quietly for a moment. before bowing quietly. "forgive me if im interupting..." he said as they became aware of his pressence.
He cast a sad little smile down upon jharmeen before reaching out quickly and weaving the flower he had earlier picked into her hair.
"The stars are spectacular this night Jharmeen...Im sorry if i was unable to coax you into viewing them with me."
His smile turned from sad to incrediable soft as he spoke again.
"I am sorry for interupting your dining... I suppose i will be off, i do not wish to intrude."

As he turned to leave he paused and quested softly along their link.
"Jharmeen... M'lady... It is true i have been distant of late... But i can only step as close as you will allow me to. I have not forgotten that you are my wife... I must ask you in honesty, and not to bring you pain... Have you forgotten that i am your husband?

His next words were spoken allowed rather then through there bond,
"i will stand by you... But i can only stand with you if you let me."

--------------------

"When have you tried!”

Graysith stared up at Recinis in sputtering disbelief. Within her, the Beast whipped to its haunches, glaring and flexing its claws and beginning to snarl. For a brief moment she just sat there, stunned that he would go so far as to track her down in this manner. Then before she knew what she was doing, she was on her feet and outside the niche, the remnants of the flower he had placed in her hair dropping sadly from her icy hand.

She stared at him, rage now running rampant within her, trembling. Her mouth worked, trying to put words out to explain, but nothing came out. All she could do was simply stand there, affronted more than she thought she ever could be, for some inexplicable reason feeling strangely...

Betrayed.

“How impeccable your timing, Recinis!” she finally managed to spit, her eyes flashing. “How long have you been spying on me, that you have found me here; is this night over that I have somehow run out of my allotted time in which to meet with you?”

She paused for breath, a breath during which she cut a quick look towards Phalomir. Realizing then that to continue in this manner was not becoming of a Dark Lady, she cut herself off before she could go on any further, and say words she knew one day she might come to regret.

--------------------

But he hesitated.

The Dark Lady knew Phalomir’s feelings. This was not a time for him to insert himself between her and Recinis, it was time to stay back and allow them to work out their difficulties. He could see no resolution that did not call for pain somehow, for if she and Recinis were to reunite then Phalomir’s hurt would be terrible. But he would remain true to the Dark Lady regardless. She was his life.

Her eyes darted to him. He offered a look of support and understanding, but failed to keep the pain from showing in his eyes, as well as the turmoil boiling inside of him. He desired desperately to stand and take her in his arms. In her eyes, he felt she knew this.

--------------------

His gaze locked upon her eyes then, forcing her to look into them for a moment before he turned his gaze down.
"is it so wrong to desire to spend a night with the one you hold so dear? Am i that horrid a person for fearing that perhaps you had decided i was unfit to even speak to?"

His eyes closed for a moment as he held back a slight quiver.
"I do not spy on you... And you are free to do as you wish... But can i not at least wonder if i hold any place in your heart at all? Sense my return you have continued to feel pain in all my actions... At everything i do, no matter how good the intention i cause you missery and sorrow... is it not natural for one to wonder just how far he has pushed the one being in this universe whom has ever seen him as more then a warrior? more then a lord? You've given me so much jharmeen... And no matter how much i desire it otherwise.... Of late i have only caused you pain... I worry about you jharmeen... I worry that you will grow to not need me anylonger... I worry that you will never see our son again... I worry that you will never feel the love i feel again... I worry that all the past that has made me more then a mindless warrior... Will be reduced to nothingness in the fact that i have failed you so horribly that you could not bare a warm thought of meeting with me... I worry that i have failed every vow i have taken... And i seek desperatly to make it better... But i am blind jharmeen, and in that i often fail to see the truth... And because of that i cause more pain..."

His eyes filled with desperation for the barrest of moments before he spoke.

--------------------

She turned her eyes back into those of Recinis, shuddering again to see the hurt swimming within them. Her mind scrabbled with the words he had spoken, suddenly realizing that he had indeed finally spoken them aloud, that he had come to her.

She let herself loosen another hair’s-breadth.

“This is not the most appropriate place to speak of such things, Recinis,” she finally said, adding directly into his mind along the link they yet shared:

”Why did you not wait? I would have come to you this night, for there is much of which we have to speak.”

[ 11-29-2003 02:30 AM: Message edited 1 time, lastly by Graysith ]

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a deep breath escaped him as he considered how far things had come sense the day's long past.Jharmeen... I can not help it if i do stupid things sometimes... I can only pray that when my life finishes the good outway the bad...

As his words flowed from him he kneeled down to pick up the flow that had been discarded, he examined it for a moment before returning it to the folds of his robes.
Perhaps i have indeed gone crazy...
"You are right... This is not the most appropriate placed to speak of such things... But if they are not spoken here... Then who knows if i will ever again have the strength to speak them to you... If i always wait for the most opertune time... Then that time will never come... I've made that mistake several times in this day alone.... But i supose i have once more done exactly what i wished to avoid..."

As he considered her last words he could not help but pull inwardFor there is much of which we have to speak.

The words echoed in his mind, cascading upon the surfaces of his concious.No matter your intentions, your actions remain the same Recinis... You have taken your steps, now you must enter the door they have led you to...

he looked silently at her for a moment longer before he spoke quietly.
"this is not the place... Then where and when shall we speak? I have muddled an attempt to arrange such a meeting already... I dare not try again."

--------------------

How strange, she couldn’t help but think, to have to arrange a meeting to speak with one’s own husband. How great a rift now seems to separate us, no matter what I do or do not feel any longer.

It has come to this.

The Beast found logic within her soul, and raised it, yammering, high upon a platter. Ignoring this, she raised her head, and when she finally spoke it was with a very quiet voice.

“It matters not where, Recinis; only that this is undertaken, and—“

A quick glance toward Phalomir; a pushing away of the pang his returning look evoked in her.

“—and, in a place more private than here. You have taken it upon yourself to come here, Recinis; perhaps you can continue on and take us to a better place where we might… discuss all which has occurred between us.”

Another slight hesitation….

“And what must be done if ever there is to be resolution of any kind.”

--------------------

Then he turned to Jharmeen and nodded once more before turning and leading them away...

As they walked he offered a quiet arm to her, unsure as to his place now, but wishing desperatly his place could still be found with her.

After a few moments he found a room which he knew they would not be disturbed within.

He offered her a seet before taking his own... His gaze swept over her for a moment before his words flowed from his lips.
"I have spoken to you my heart... I must know what is in yours... There was much i wished to discuss with you earlier... But now it all seems meaningless..."

His eyes filled with a soft acceptence, as he repeated his words. "I must know what is in your Heart jharmeen... You have been hurt by my actions, you've felt heart-ach in my every failure... that hints to me that you are not as lost to my love as you say, for without love, you can not feel the pain of that loves absense... And it is thus that i have become confused."

His eyes closed for a moment before he spoke his next words. "You have said to save our son, you needed to soround him with your love for me... A noble descision to make... But you said it yourself... your love is not an object. I believe you still have it... Still experience it... But you have convinced yourself you do not, can not..."
"or at least when i first arrived you did... with my recent actions i feel i know nothing of your soul."

he then fell silent as his gaze continued to radiate a softness that seemed strangly out of place... A softness filled with a hopeful love... Filled with the inability to resign...

--------------------

She sighed a little, looked down to her hands which she had clasped in her lap. Remained thus for a long moment; then she tilted her head back and gave him another long look. One perhaps a bit softer than previously.

“I did take all my love for you, Recinis; I ripped it from my being in desperation to save our son. Yes, it left a void within… yes, a void able to be filled yet again.”

She stopped, catching her lip between her teeth for a moment.

“When you came back, both times, you remained away. You never approached me as a husband should a wife; you scarcely spoke to me other than through the link we share. I could not reach out to you; you tried not with me. While I-- I do not think I can feel it now, I know the latter pained me greatly; oh how I remember yearning for the sound of your voice, Recinis. How well I remember the pain of waiting--”

How true the words he speaks, she realized with a jolt. For what is this pain which rises within me now?

Now she stood quietly to her feet, her hands held loosely by her sides. Within her being, the Beast let out another low growl.

“Why did you leave, Recinis? And more importantly: when you returned, why did you remain away from me? Why did you not try to fill that void?

"Why could you not press onward, and seek out my soul which once you knew, oh so well, and which you state you do no longer?

“What do you really feel, Recinis? For I know what I once did feel, and I wonder what it would ever take to capture that feeling again.”

Inexplicably, the ghostly image of another Dark Lord rose up from the shadows to haunt her, even as her final words had left her lips.

[ 11-29-2003 03:35 AM: Message edited 1 time, lastly by Graysith ]

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"So the Imps ain't goin' to help you in this neither?" The boy asked, an amused smile growing on his face as he came side-to-side with his new found comrade.

Continuing on through the habitated of the weird world, they found themselves battling branches and leaves, hearing the sounds of grass being crunched under the powerful weight of their feet.

Even as their was not a word between the smugglers question, their were many sounds. Wild ones of the world, a weird and awkward world that Za'in had never explored or even read about.

It was all to new to him and the atmosphere forced his head around, scanning the premises in awe and wonder. There were many marvels in the life of this new planet, but the smell of it was all too old.

The world's odor reminded his nose of an encounter with an old Hutt during a bargain after a trail through the Smuggler Run.

"Pfft," he huffed in disgust as he took one last, daring sniff of the air, nearly coughing out something as he did.

[ 11-29-2003 05:51 AM: Message edited 1 time, lastly by Za'in Almar ]

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He picked up the fork and moved several pieces of food around the plate. His thoughts, perhaps out of self defense, turned to Thoran. Why did Thoran come here? Surely he must have taken a warrior’s body, but did he then flee or is he still here?

She has the deepest eyes, the most breathtaking smile…

Images of Jharmeen filled his thoughts, crowding out all others. Phalomir stopped and put the fork down. He closed his eyes and let his head sink into his hands, this was going to be a long night.

[ 11-29-2003 08:14 AM: Message edited 1 time, lastly by Phalomir ]

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Nothing was forthcoming.

She sighed.

"I have already pointed out your penchant for words, Recinis," she said at length. "Did I not recall your ability to use them so adroitly?

"And yet even now, in the shadow of fading action, even they fail you. For though you ply me with poetic words, you answer my questions not."

She looked down to the floor, studied it carefully. When she raised her head, it was to raise the tattoo-emblazoned wrist along with it.

"This would have no meaning to me, other than I have recently earned it, Recinis," she said heavily. "I would carry the mark of no name upon my flesh other than my own."

She looked to that tattoo as if she would wrench it from her flesh. Again she sighed.

"Goodbye, Recinis," she said softly.

Then she turned and left, heading back to her own quarters, a suddenly quiescent Beast curling up within her in a strange kind of peace to seek rest where she knew she could not.

--------------------

Why am I acting so? I feel like a young buck, feeling enthralled for the first time with a girl who scorns him. There is too much to consider, too many enemies working against us for me to be concerned with the affections of…

Your soul mate?

He lifted his head and pushed himself away from the table. Thoughts such as these were counterproductive to the mission a hand, he needed rest if he was to harness the strength to face the challenges which could arise the next day. Surely a united front was needed, and Aelvedaar must certainly be laughing at the rifts that were forming.

She is your soul mate, can you not feel it? You cannot hide from this… we transcend time…

He walked from the dining hall and into the hallway, trying to remember the directions to his room. He turned down several corridors and found no familiar landmarks that would indicate the direction he came when first wandered from his bed. Images of the Dark Lady pushed all rational thinking from his tired mind.

Another item in which Aelvedaar may find humor. Perhaps I should simply sleep here in the hallway?

He snorted in self disgust and leaned against the wall. The faint sounds of footsteps echoed from the hallway, along with the muffled sounds of angry muttering. He cocked his head to listen, but could not make out the voice. He stepped away from the wall and walked towards the sounds. As he turned a corner he saw the Dark Lady pacing a short route in a long corridor. He stopped as she turned, their eyes locking.

“My lady,” he said quietly, “Forgive me, I heard a voice.”

His eyes softened. “Are you well? Is there anything I can do?”

[ 11-30-2003 05:09 PM: Message edited 1 time, lastly by Phalomir ]

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His head throbbed for a while before something suddenly snapped and his mind went numb. His body shuddered as his thoughts simply vanished from existence and a cold swept over him
Goodbye Recinis.
the soft words echoed against the destroyed walls of his mind, filling him with finality, failure...

And so he sat, time wafting about him inexplicably, he became unaware of everything, even the knowledge of whether or not conciousness was upon him was out of his reach.

Finaly his lips motioned what his words could not say.
"goodbye... Jharmeen..."

--------------------

Her chambers…. Hers only.

She forced a somewhat grim smile upon her lips.

“I—I am well,” she began in reply to Phalomir, inwardly wincing at the incongruity of those words against her physical presence there, not to mention the aura which was undoubtedly radiating from her. She dropped her head and caught a look at her Tattoo of Entitlement. It still glowed in simple golden splendor, but had altered a bit in its design.

It is no longer Q’utaro, she realized with a start, and closed her eyes. Strangely enough, a great pain came rushing from some dim little spot in her soul; trembling now, she could only stand where she was, trying to determine just what that peculiar pain was all about.

It was the pain of… change, she suddenly decided, and raised her head to look directly into Phalomir’s green eyes. He stood quietly in front of her, concern and curiosity evident upon his face.

“I- I do not know how I am,” she finally admitted, while deep within her the Beast rose quietly to its feet, cocking its head to one side and flexing its claws in anticipation. “I feel somewhat… empty, although….”

Again she paused, searching inwardly, gently approaching her inner Beast to see what it had to say in the matter. It remained undisturbed but alert.

“Although at the same time, somehow… replete,” she finished, and fell silent.

[ 11-30-2003 08:29 PM: Message edited 1 time, lastly by Graysith ]

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...particularly when a wealth of emotion springs forth from one of those said links. So it was that something began stirring in Shayla's essence and willing her to wakefulness. Slowly Shayla responded to that stir, her eyes fluttering as she stretched out through the Force to analyze just what might have woken her so soon, for it was yet dark. This action was a simple one to undertake, for there were but two links she shared with another:

One with her husband, and one with Graysith. Sensing nothing untoward coming from her now-distant link with her husband, Shayla then reached towards Graysith...

...and was impacted with an admixture of emotion. Shayla sat up, her look suddenly worried.

What is wrong? Shayla queried with concern through that link.

Then, sleep now the farest thing from her mind, Shayla rose and tied her robe securely about herself as she began to head for the doorway to her room. All the while she kept her focus on any reply that might come through her link with Graysith...

--------------------

”I—I am Lady Q’utaro no longer, Shayla,” she said silently, succinctly, then pausing for a brief moment as she wondered just who in fact she now was.

”Dark Lady still, but Q’utaro no longer.”

She blinked and suddenly wrapped her arms about herself as if warding off not merely a great chill, but the onrushing impact of some great and distant tidal wave whose strength and fury she couldn’t yet see, let alone comprehend.

--------------------

“Then I am sad and happy for you, my lady,” he mused.

He took a step closer to her and held up a hand, intending to caress her face. He paused and lowered it back in front of him, a wistful look upon his face.

“Since you had left with -- Recinis -- I had thought you had retired for the evening. I had given upon my appetite and tried to find my chambers… as you can see I, um, became lost.”

He took in the strange aura about her once more, the concern growing on his face. The hand which he held in front of him no finally made its way to the Dark Lady, gently touching the back of her hand.

“Are you indeed all right?” he asked softly.

--------------------

...and by the underlying currents she felt through not only the words but through the link she shared with Graysith.

What has happened with Lord Recinis? she queried then, her pace quickening as something deep in her gut pushed her forward.

[ 11-30-2003 09:02 PM: Message edited 1 time, lastly by Shayla Stargazer Petrolu ]

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