Shayla didn't know how much time had passed since she had abruptly left Khar Delba. Had she not already put coordinates in the navcomputer and gone to hyperspace, she might not have even known where she was going. In her mind's eye images, interwoven with deeply felt grief, played.

Images of she and Erik, just discovering that she was with child. Images of the events which had transpired to cause her to eventually give birth entirely too soon.

Shayla couldn't stop herself from wondering why such a horrible thing had happened. Still, something in the darkest recesses of her mind kept trying to niggle to gain her attention. And although she was aware of this...

...she wasn't quite ready for it.

As she continued to search her soul, and she saw the sorrowful looks of those back on Khar Delba once more--the Eagle Enteprises employees, Panthar, Aeylmaar, and her husband--she still couldn't even think about those looks for any length of time.

How could they understand the loss a mother feels...?

In her heart, an increasingly large chasm presented itself, and she felt incomplete.

I can help you become Whole... rang Graysith's words.

At that, Shayla sat up with a start, her eyes and face still wet from tears. She closed her eyes then, as one single word splayed across her inner eyelids.

Balance.

And then another stream of words followed: Two sides to Every Coin.

Shayla frowned then, opening her eyes yet still seeing something other. Deep within grief and loss continued to wage its war with mental stability...

...and something lurking deep within continued to try and quietly make itself known.

[ 06-17-2008 11:40 AM: Message edited 1 time, lastly by Graysith ]

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She was almost immediately assaulted by the vendors.

"Such a lovely little transport," one stated. "But we can offer you much better, at a good price," said another.

Shayla forced herself to attend to her surroundings and waved them off, leaving the docking area and heading out into the trade planet towards a destination she had already determined.

What better place to mourn the end than where it all began?

After finding one solitary park bench in particular, somewhat away from the bustling trade but not too far, Shayla sat, numbly recalling how it was the place little Zackary had kicked his way into her attentions.

You should have been much more than that, she thought, hanging her head and drawing up into her own thoughts. Why?

Puzzling on this question, Shayla came to the only answer she could. There was no one singular person or thing to blame for his death.

It just... happened.

Shayla could remember her teaching at the Praxeum as a child about rejoicing for those who had transformed into the Force rather than mourning them.

But she should have been able to save him...

...if she were able to use the Force to do so.

The stab of guilt in her soul made her physically tremble.

She had always had the Force, if nothing else. Now even the Sith couldn't save her child with their wonderful powers and magicks...

...but why?

An answer at last presented itself.

In the Grand Spectrum of Things, said a dark voice within, The needs of your child were meaningless. Much more is at stake.

Shayla closed her eyes, a sob wracking her small frame as she gave in to her sorrows....

...as anger slowly worked its way into her heart. After all, if she had stayed on task with Graysith to begin with in order to maintain the Greater Good, instead of following her own wants and wishes...

...things might be different.

And it was this thought which brought her to memories of another day, one which she paused to think on more closely as she wiped her eyes with her hands and finally looked up, her greeny-blues darkening impossibly more.

On a day long since past, after she had given birth entirely too soon, she had demanded that Erik take her back to K'eel Doba to reunite with Graysith. He had done so reluctantly, adamantly expressing doubts concerning Graysith. In the end, she had refused to kill all non-Sith excepting Graysith, feeling betrayed, clinging to her need for Erik as if he was all she had.

Shayla unconsciously chewed her lip.

He had never wanted her to remain with Graysith, that was clear from the first time he came after her on Khar Delba, on an even longer day ago. And he eventually succeeded in seperating her from them...

...and she let him. Time and time again.

Perhaps her son would still be alive had she not.

[ 06-17-2008 10:08 PM: Message edited 1 time, lastly by Shayla Stargazer Petrolu ]

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...and where she was going to go. Chewing her lip a bit, she scanned the bustling activity around her, knowing deep in her heart that these people didn't have a clue what was enroute to the galaxy...

...and that the powers which they normally would rely on were gone.

And if they were gone, a little voice oiled up and whispered, That meant Zackary hadn't transformed into the Force. He'd just fizzled out into...

...nothing.

The thought brought a lump to Shaylas throat, and sorrows threatened to once more take over her. But then, the whole lack of logic in her former thoughts hit her.

The energy of life created the Force. The All was Everything that Was. So there was simply no way it was gone...

...for the cycle of life continued, and everything that was...still was.

Pursing her lips in thought, Shayla sat up a bit, cupping her drink in both hands, disturbed that the Force abilities she had from birth had been somehow blocked from her use, as well as the few All abilities she had been able to master. Which only in turn brought her right back to the reasons said abilities had been blocked, and what Lancaster and Stanza told them about That Which Was's statements on Degobah.

The needs of the many should outweigh the needs of the few...

...and the Greater Good needed to be served. At whatever cost, no matter what anyone else thought.

Shayla's eyes grew a bit distant, considering just what would be her best course of action in light of all she knew and considering the abilities she believed were still part and parcel of her very being.

And considering the fact that she felt her greatest mistake was in letting Erik cause her to doubt the teachings Graysith had been giving her all along.

With that, still another day, but not quite so long past, rolled to the forefront of Shayla's mind. Her own words rang in her head and her heart...

...and quite suddenly she knew exactly where she was going to go even if she was not quite certain of what she was going to do.

In turning against them, we will save them all...

Drinking the remainder of the contents in her glass, Shayla got to her feet, her former sorrow replaced by something else entirely as she left the Aoi Shouwakusei and headed back to the vendors nearby her transport.

There wasn't any way she could risk being followed...

[ 06-20-2008 12:04 AM: Message edited 1 time, lastly by Shayla Stargazer Petrolu ]

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...but the nonreflective gray hull was definitely main seller.

As Shayla made her final calculations for her intended destination, its coordinates now hard-wired into her memory, she pondered over her newly developing plans.

In turning against them we will save them all. Power, not love...

Shayla's greeny-blue eyes darkened, recalling what she and ShaRhylla had seen in the Revealer before it had become useless. Clearly she also remembered how she had betrayed Graysith over and over again, choosing to place her love for Erik over loyalty to Graysith and the Greater Good.

No more.

And now now all Shayla could see in her minds eye was that vision of Graysith, babe in her arms, falling down, down as Phalomir stood, hands raised to the sky in magnificent robes, unaware...

...or perhaps uncaring.

She could only hope that the others were mistaken regarding Graysith and Phalomir's presence on Endor, and that they were still on K'eel Doba.

But if not, she would deal with that when the time came, and hopefully with some assistance.

And there was only one Shayla could think of who might be willing to assist.

Turning her attentions to the fully-warmed navboard then, she made it her business to get clearance from Atzerri, headed for space beyond...

...and pulled up her pre-programmed coordinates from the navcomputer to then proceed into hyperspace. In but a few minutes, her new little ship...

...which she had christened the Preon...

burst into the starlines of hyperspace, enroute to none other than K'eel Doba.

(((OCC: Follow Shayla into A Creep of Shadow in the Jedi Temple/Sith Praxeum forums.))

[ 06-23-2008 09:03 PM: Message edited 1 time, lastly by Shayla Stargazer Petrolu ]

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