Sitting quietly on the grassy fields he appeared as stone, unmoving. It was as though the greatest tension was upone his body, yet he was completly relaxed. Dispite his bodies calm apearance his mind raced through the many questions that can be thought of existance.

Am i dead? Perhaps... But then, was i ever truly alive?

Yes... Yes i was... There was a time when i was alive... it was after birth, but before this death... It was with her that i had found it...

Ah how i miss her... Jharmeen it was you who granted me the strength i needed to find life...

But how is that so? If so then why did i flee?

Aelvedaar advised me to...

But still, why did i flee? why did i not say a single word to her? If she indeed was at the center of my existence why then would i so easily depart from her?

Then...

Was it... Was... Was it love? Did i imagin it?

The thought struck him violently, yet this did not show in his outward apearance, but his soul was shattered, the pain of the question streaked through him like fire, causing his mind to race on further to find answers...

he has sat here for weeks now, fasting, thinking... Everyday his thoughts had dodged what he sought, everyday he had missed what he knew to be right before him... His purpose, his life...

But today, today there seemed no dodging, no avoiding, the question had struck him forcefully, it has hit him unprepared...

A single tear escaped from his eye, streaking down his cheek like a raindrop fallen upon a statue.

He looked through his heart, bringing up memories which caused him to shudder inwardly

yes... It was love... Then why?

A false existance...

I lived for her, that is not life.
I lived FOR her...
not truly did I live WITH her...

This is your fault indeed... For she was coexisting with me... she had always wanted to share with me, and I thought I had been doing just that... Yet deep down I remained her servent... Whenever trouble brewed it was as a protecter i stood, not a guarding husband...

And that is why I left, inwardly i must have realized this...

No longer... I can understand her coldness towards me... I did abandon her... I can accept them...

Or can i? Think of it...

Never did i accept... No i went so ready to accept... Came to her again so understanding that i did not.... i let it slip away from me...

Indeed, was she ever truly cold in anyway? was she distant?

No...

Then what?

She had grown... And you could not see it... You were ready for change and yet you did not accept it....

His thoughts calmed once more and he found himself in another situation of thought, as time passed he continued to face more of his demons... His demons...

These had been the source of his problems sense his birth... He was indeed a being of many demons... He had slain thousands and yet they still came in hordes.... Yet this no longer truly bothered him.He looked around, seeing only himself... There was not one... No he was several.

"What? What is goign on here? who are you all! what have you done to me?!" He screamed his words in fierce protest."we are merly you... You created us... You devided yourself... Your mind could not exist with itself... and so we are here... This is your doing... You are to blame."

He starred in minor horror, but came to understand slowly as he began recognizing small distinguising features between each recreation of himself...

They were indeed him... the pieces of himself he had fragmented in order to keep himself sane... For he feared the different pieces of his personality... Each had its place and he desired them only when that place at hand...

he stepped back in fear as they slowly came towards him.

"We're tired of listening to you... We want our freedom... We want to be in control... Your useless, you will be disposed of..." An emotionless image of himself spoke as they continued to persue him.

"why do you think i seperated you? I knew you could not exist like this." he barked in an attempt to keep them away.

"no... It is not use that can not exist... It is you who does NOT exist... Without us you are a mere shell...a body with nothing.... No abilites, no traits... Nothing. We make you, yet you push us away...."

They slowly faded away, and then there was a sword in his hand and his grining counterpart apeared before him.

"what now?" He spoke.

"Lets test your skills... if you pass i will fight you with my full ability, if not, well... I dont bully the weak."

As they fought recinis released he did not even know how to hold his sword.... This was the barrest Piece of his Existance...striped of its capabilities...

Within moments his counter-part had him on the ground, sword to his throat.

"im afraid youve failed the test..."

he looked in confused silence...what would he do... What happened next...

The being faded away, and he was faced with another... facing many segments of his personality, the senario repeating itself time and time again until finaly he began to see...

He then faced another, and he merly said "i accept you"

His counter parts eyes when wide as it faded away... He felt a few of his minor characteristics bloom within him... and he nodded, and faced another...

Now he repeated the process over and over again. he was complete... This was as it must be...

He began walking away when he heard dark laughter.

"not yet..."

He turned around and found only a demon...It was not him... It was twisted and horrid, the utter representation of evil and darkness.... Hatred, it held no positive purpose....

"what about me Recinis? dont you want me to?"

"you are not me... I have no need for one such as yourself..."

"havnt you though? You still have not learned have you... No matter... Ill enjoy killing you.... Burning you...eating you... And then ill take control and kill everyone you love... All your friends... Then when thats done... I'll start on the rest of the universe."

The mangled form laughed, as it finished its statement, taking out a long sword and licking its lips it charged...

" i am complete, a mere one is no match for my complete power"

They began fighting, recinis smiled as he easily parried each blow, and sliced at the demon, cutting it deeply.

"do you see now demon? you are not me..."

"I am all you are... All you have ever been... the other's, they are merly fillers... I am you... You are me... This is reality... ACCEPT IT!"

The demon charged, its wound healing, becoming energized with its own hatred. Entaris shook his head "no... I am not uncontrolled... I am complete..." his sword came up and blocked the blow, then he quickly countered it. "your words mean nothing demon, It is your actions that prove who is right..."

the demon laughed again and backed away, growing in size with every second. "the more you deny me... the more powerful i will become... Accept your hatred, accept what you are... A vicious, murderous demon.... If you dont accept yourself you will consume yourself... You have no heart... i know... Im you.

the demon pointed, and up came an image, it was twisted, horrible... A memory of Recinis killing... Of death...

" I am your strength.... view my power..."

"NO!" He charged cutting the demon in half, and slicing again, "QUIET!"

Laughter began to echo throughout the empty plane.

recinis shuddered and fell to the ground, the rage filling him... the other pieces of his personality quickly fled away from him as the demon took control.

"why? why..."

"I win... You lose... Im goign to have fun now..."

"you... You cant... I wont let you... I can control you"

"no... You said it yourself, we are different, you are yourself, you are complete, that means you have no say over what i do... I am seperate... and I am in control..."

Recinis shuddered as control of his body fell away from him, he had lost... in all his attempts to control his hatred he had always succeeded except for now... This had always been his greatest fear... That his hatred would take over... He had captured it before, boxed it, removed it from him as a precaution... But he had failed...

"I cant control what is seperate?... That means... I.... I never-"

"thats right, you never had control of me... ive just been toying with you this whole time... Your whole life... Just one big game... Making you think you had control... It was quite amusing..."

"i... I accept you"

the laughter erupted once more in a mockign explosion.

"words mean nothing! you cant just say it... You have to mean it... And you cant do that can you? you can never mean it... Never... I win... You lose, get over it."

"No... I win... Im ready... Help me find my path... Help me... Help me do good"

the demon screamed began to flee away from Recinis' body, but he now held on firmly, now attempting to give control to the darkness in him "I am sith... I have long thought that meant i was good and evil... But that i could act as either or... I am sith... I understand...."

He stood up, invoking to a brillient light before him, his lighter half, the demon and the light pressed together for a moment untill they each exploded...

"I am sith... I may not be balanced as Jharmeen was... I may act either good or evil.... But as sith... My lightside is my darkside, and my darkside is my light..."

Suddenly another image appeared, it was another piece he had missed before. "This wont gain you power... It wont give you the power to command the all... You were told that you could learn it.. I know you've wanted to... I know... This wont do it... Dont fool yourself.... Acceptence is not understanding... When are you going to realize this? youve tried so many times to find balance, to find acceptence... each time you succeed in some way or another...

"but this is not understanding... It wont make you able to use the power you inwardly want... Whether you know it or not... You crave it... You want it." The image smirked at him, but he just smiled softly in reply.

"thats ok... I may want the power. And yes, perhaps i do truly desire it...maybe i crave it... Thats alright... For now, i want merly to live... this will let me have that... Now come... Let us be gone"

then the other image nodded and stepped into him.

His eyes opened slowly to view the world, his body ached from remained still, it was weak with hunger...

Exhaling gently he stood, shaking slightly with his weakness and walked off in search of food.

I must not forget this day... it is important... Should i forget it i may again lose myself... I believe i am ready to understand... Not everything... But i believe it is time i begin to learn of what has occured in my last absence and this.... But i must have a little time to recover... This was indeed a taxing exercise...

((OOC: just a note, this is occuring from the start of my departure, the rappid time movement is a resault of me attempting to "catch up"))

[ 10-27-2003 12:17 PM: Message edited 1 time, lastly by Graysith ]

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He smiled as he felt the feelings of nature rise within him...
"Waiting may not be exciting... But i suppose i can make the most of it..."

And so he had sat for some time, leavign now and againf or food, but for the most part he remained gazing at the scenery and doing a little thinking of his own.

He sighed heavily as his eyes closed, "Mother... I wish i didnt have to keep getting draged away... But father said this was important..."

Curling into a small ball he sighed and looked within himself, feeling for that which was his mother.... Whatever strange power she had given him, which lay ever dorment in his body...

He still did not understand it, nor could he utilize it in anyway he was aware of, but it was a part of him, that much he had been told, though he really didnt need to be told it, for he could feel it... To him this was like an arm or a leg to an infant... While he knew not what it was, nor how to really use it... he knew it was there, and that brought him comfort... It was her gift to him.... it was something that transended even memories of her, for this was her inside of him... not just a fleeting ghost... It was current... He liked that feeling...

Eventauly he tired, for his mind was finaly begining to truly mature, no longer could simple destractiosn truly entertain him for long... stretching he dropped from the tree and looked around, then set off to find something to do...

Finding a small clearing he wasted a bit of time going through some simple sword techneques.

His father had often told him of late that in order to truly grasp the way of the warrior the mind and body must be one... And suposedly these techneques would help him achieve that.
And while they truly did make his movements become more easy, more fluent, he didnt totoly grasp the concept at hand... Though one thing did become apparant, his bond with his sword was becoming stronger...

he was finaly begining to undestand it. WHile some warriors regarded there swords as weapons, and others saw them as way's of protecting. The Elresar was actauly niether.

Forged by the head of the weapon clan... A sword with a "mind" it was not actauly a weapon at all. It instead was the choice. Everything it was and everything it would ever be was a simple choice. Between violence and piece. To draw the blade from its sheath was to invoke the spirit of war, and to leave it be was to unleash tranquility.

Indeed no magical property was imbeded in this choice, no great mysterious Power that was capable of altering the universe... and yet it was a power that no other sword could ever truly possess. These were jharu's thoughts as he flowed through his motions.

But this realization did not bring falshood to jharu's knowledge. he did realize that in that sword was also a great power. it was a piece of a puzzle... The nature of it was unfortunatly still unknown to the boy... But he knew it was there... And like many things right now, that would have to be good enough.

Placing the sword once again within his sheath he sighed and moved onward to find food, picking a few pieces of fruit he ate loudly walking along an unbeaten trail.

"mmm... This is good. its kinda nice here i guess... I still wish i could see mother though..."

Two conflicting memories ignighted themselves within his mind, one of the day's before entering the universe, and the other of his and his fathers return... Two different images of his mother, two different personalities... He frowned
"which is the real you mother?"

Sitting down he thought about it for a while, finaly concluding that they were both the real her and that he was simply thinking about it to much.
Once again wandering he found his way to a small pond, and knelt down to peer within.

he gazed mezmerized at the glassy waters, looking at his reflection as though seeing it for the first time. Eventauly becoming bored of his reflection he decided he would take a bath...

Unfortunatly the water was freezing. Sitting down he decided to experiment. He closed his eyes and focused on the world around him... Feeling the beat of nature as though the beat of his own heart... Finding small traces of warmth he concentraited on attempting to transfer the warmth into the water, attempting to make one object warm... Leaving another cold...

he continued to prod with his mind untill finaly the water warmed up slightly making it barrable to wash in.

As he entered the water he began to ponder it... A simple experiment, but someday...someday he would put everything together... He was sure of it.

Washing himself clean of the filth and grim that he had accumulated over the course of his journies over the past few day's he shunned himself for not bathing sooner...

When he was finished he set about washing his cloths, returning to the ship to change into the precious flight suit his mother had given him upon flying his first sith ship, and hung his robes out to dry.

He then lay down and went to sleep under the stars, dreaming of the future and the things that would come, dreaming of his destiny.... Dreaming of his mother.

This quickly became a dayly routin for him and he went about it with slight variations each day.

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His eyes closing calmly he reached to something that had not been touched in some time.... Something he prayed would remain strong dispite its lack of touch...

Calling out he pushed through the universe, unsure as to what the resault would be.

"Jharmeen.... I know not if our thoughts are still bound... But if My mind reaches you now... I need to speak with you... Come to me when you have time..."

He could feel the bond... That bond was eternal.... And no matter time or space she could feel his thoughts.... But. That bound required her as well.

His mind pushing was not enough... She needed to want to hear him... No matter her outward demenear, no matter any struggle.... On some wavelength or another, he merly prayed she had kept that bond...
"I shall wait as long as need be... But please Jharmeen... Come to me one last time..."

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"Recinis."

The thought came into his mind along the Link she did indeed yet maintain, albeit on a deeper and more repressed level now than earlier. The word was coolly uttered, three short and succinct syllables, which somehow carried the weight of years along with them.

A heartbeat passed... and it was the echo of the warrior's mighty heart.

Somewhere an insect made a soft, shirring sound; then all quieted once more.

Then--

"Recinis. I see you have returned... somewhat. After leaving me... yet again.

"I find this wearying in the extreme, Recinis.

"What have you to say?"

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"I have indeed left you twice... And believe my heart is heavy with the knowledge that i have betrayed you so...

What have i to say?

What is there i can say?

No words could ever express what things have happened... No words, spoken or thought, could truly have any explaination....

I have made mistakes. I have left the one person whom i could ever love. Those are some that come to mind... Yet they do nothing to ease any pain i might have caused, nor to lesson the knowledge that i have commited the action...

I can not ask you to stand by my side once more... Can not ask you to reignight your love for me... Whether it be dead, or simply supressed...

What i do ask though... Is to learn of you anew... I left the first time for reasons even i do not comprehend, so i dare not try to explain it... But as for the second... I had an awakening... Or at least a stirring.

I realized that in all my effort to accept what changes had occured... I did not see... That i knew you not... In my time gone you have changed, you have grown.... I was unprepared to learn of this... Although i should have known it to be... I wish to know you again jharmeen... If not in love... then as friends... My heart will always hold you dear... I will forever treasure every moment we have spent with eachother... But i know that that is the past. However the future is of yet not created... I stand with you again should you have me...

Though i can not say i am ready now... One day i will defeat roan and reclaim my title, And i can merly hope that when that day comes we may join together as lady and lord to help guide the people...

I have strayed from my path Jharmeen. Have lost my strength. Ive broken the most sacred vow i have ever made... One which bound us through blood...

However... I love you yet, will for-ever love you, and will love you in vien through all eternity, whether it is within your heart to return that love or not... Perhaps we will never meet again in love... But i will still stand by you forever. If not as husband, if not in a bond of love, then as an ally that will suport you in any action you undertake...
You have grown in my absence... Become stronger... I can sense it... You have said it yourself, that you no longer need a protector.... I will not shame you by going against that knowledge, for i know it to be true... But let me be your ally...."

He then fell silent...sure for a moment before adding in four more simple words
"I am sorry jharmeen"

[ 10-26-2003 02:56 PM: Message edited 1 time, lastly by Recinis ]

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his heart stopped beating for the barrest of a moment as he digested what had occured... Those eyes...

His mind fought to grasp at what had transpired on the other end of the link... He could sense a sudden calm, one he knew all to well...

Things were indeed changing, though he had only had the briefest moment of complete connection, that much he could tell... But things were not decided yet... Not yet... the future is never certain, and things would unfold as they needed to... But he was unsure.... Unsure as to what to do...

Quietly he quested outward. "jharmeen?"

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Standing shakily he went off to find his son... It was time.

Having found Jharu he wasted no time explaining, they entered there ship and set off once more to the great planet of K'eel Doba...((OOC: please follow recinis and jharu into "The Idea of mind" in Jedi/Sith, thanks a lot))

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