8:00am Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30am A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40am walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30am Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00pm Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00pm Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00pm Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00pm Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00pm Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00pm Wow! Watched TV with my master! My favorite thing!
11:00pm Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary:

Day 683 of my captivity:

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat,while the other inmates and myself
are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I
nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their
feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since
it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely
made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The
audacity!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.
However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what
this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of
my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try
this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and
snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly
released --and seems to be more than willing to return. He is
obviously retarded!
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating
with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move.
The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated
cell,so he is safe....... for now...